Writing Break

I started to write to today's prompt, and found it getting just too darn depressing. Between circumstances and stuff and things, I never got anywhere close to my childhood career aspirations. I don't have it in me today to share another disappointment.

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Gratitude:

~fresh cherries
~watching plants flourish
~working with an excellent team at the day-job
~lovely, comfortable work clothes

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Tomorrow's Prompt: Nia? Bellydance? What's the big deal?

7-1-14 Edited to add: I never did write to this prompt - I'm sure I'll write about it some other time :)

Missing my mom

Prompt: What is one moment from your life that you would like to relive if you had the chance? Would you change anything?

I went to a residential magnet school for my Junior and Senior years of high school. Periodically, all the students were sent home for extended weekends with their families. If I had the chance, I would totally relive my very first extended weekend home. As I recall, I spent much of that weekend desperately wanting to go back to school. If I could, I would encourage younger-me to really pay attention to my family, especially my mom. That weekend was both a first and a last - it was my first weekend home from a school I loved, and it was the last time I spent time with my mom. She died later that fall.

Mom's death rearranged the possible paths for my life; I really can't say who I would be today if she had lived longer. I would like to think we would be friends were she still alive. I know without a doubt that she would love me, regardless of whether she understood or even liked the woman I grew into. Even if she totally disapproved of my decisions, she would still love me, and try to build a positive relationship. To my mind, that's what it means to love a child.

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Gratitude List:

~Waking up feeling rested
~getting every last bit out of the peanut butter jar without getting any on my hands
~Using a wrist blood pressure monitor at home
~playing some Planescape: Torment
~slightly cooler evening walkies

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Tomorrow's prompt: When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up? How has that aspiration changed over the years?

Dreams pushed aside

Prompt: Are there any dreams that you've had that have been pushed aside for some reason? Would you like to focus on them and achieve them now?

My dream of being a mom sort of is and sort of isn't pushed aside. I don't have my own children, but I do live with a child - I materially and emotionally support my nephew and his mama. While it has been pointed out to me that I have no legal rights not responsibilities for my nephew, family means a whole lot more than the legal obligations. I know I'm a positive influence in me nephew's life. It doesn't always take a lot of planning - just being there, being present for him means a lot. Everyone needs to be recognized, to have their experience validated and their voice heard, but it can be hard to ask for that, espeically when you're a 12 year old boy. Even if we're not talking about anything huge and earth-shattering, my nephew knows that I'll hear him, and that I love him just as he is. I think that means a lot to him

This isn't the parenting experience I ever expected. Kiddo's mama and I don't always get along well - that makes things challenging. I work hard during the day, and I don't always feel supported at home. Yes, I could leave - but my nephew is only going to get one childhood. I am determined to do what I can to give him a foundation for growing up happy, healthy, and strong.

So, I'm not a mom. But I am delighted to be an aunt :)

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Gratitude:
~I wrote a haiku last night

Sun-warmed pavement 

Radiates heat...

Cool night air

~Looking up geeky origami with Kiddo
~spontaneous Kiddo hugs
~navel oranges

A Little Writing is Better Than None

Gratitude:
~being treated to lunch at work
~using the public library
~laughing with my nephew (the goober called my mobile phone from the house phone while we were both at home, trying to convince me his father was on the line. It was the worst impersonation! We about laughed ourselves sick)
~doing today's USA today crossword puzzle in less than 12 minutes
~Words with Friends with awesome friends

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I picked a prompt at random today: Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? How does this effect your life?

Hahahahahaha! Have we met? I am such a massive extrovert :) People are endlessly fascinating to me. I don't stay entirely well if I don't spend at least some time with other people. Being an extrovert is part of why I do well at my job - I supervise a small medical billing call center. So, I talk to people about talking to people :)

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This whole "get to the end of the day and still not know what to write about" thing sucks. Tomorrow I'll use this prompt: Are there any dreams that you've had that have been pushed aside for some reason? Would you like to focus on them and achieve them now?

12 somethings

I make up a list prompt for yesterday, but didn't finish it until today:

1 - 12 things about me

~I have 1 living parent. Mom died in 1988
~I remember 2 of the states I've lived in. I was born in Maryland, and lived in Florida for a little while. We moved to California when I was three, so I only remember California and North Carolina.
~I have 3 siblings, all younger. One brother (my nephew's dad) lives in WV, my sister lives near the southern coast of NC, and the younger of my two brothers lives on his boat.
~4 is my favorite number and always has been. Sixteen is awesome, too, because it's 4 squared. I have no idea why this is the case, but there it is.
~Today's gratitude list has 5 items
I have 6 distinct accounts at four banks: checking and savings at one, credit union deposit account and joint household account at another, car loan, and mortgage.
~I've lived in 7 cities in NC: Havelock, Durham, Chapel Hill, Carrboro, Greensboro, Reidsville, and Raleigh
~There are 8 regular doors in my townhouse: front, back, three bedrooms, three bathrooms
~I have been with my employer for 9 years.
~I've lived in Raleigh for almost 10 years
~I supervise 11 people at my day job
~My dear, sweet, wonderful newphew is 12 years old. He can be a handful, but that's okay - 12 is a difficult age. I intend to enjoy his childhood while I can, be there for him however much he needs through the teen years, and look forward to the friendship of the man he grows up to be.

Gratitude List
~two new employees getting off to a good start at the day job
~watching a surprisingly good TF2/Mulan mashup video with Kiddo - we both cried at the end
~chat conversations with smart, thoughtful friends
~central AC
~comfortable, professional clothes

A Haiku

Warm post-rain mist...

eye to glow with

sudden firefly

Crankypants: I has them

I need to write today. I haven't really written since Saturday. Last night's book review helped, but didn't really slake the thirst for words. Unfortunately, I cannot find a topic or prompt that really works for me today. Some prompts seem really lame, some far too emotional for my emotionally depleted state, and others make me feel stupid for not having a good idea of how to respond.

Today has been a rough day - not a bad day, just very taxing, which is probably most of my problem. Hence, I have put my butt in the chair, and am typing away with no freaking idea what I'm going to write about.

Ya know what? I saw a suggestion of an A - Z list somewhere recently. Gratitude lists are excellent things. So I'll write an A - Z list of things for which I am grateful :)

Apricots, fresh, dried, canned, they're always delightful. They're especially delicious when you swim to the side of the pool in your childhood backyard, and pick them from the branches growing over the pool.

Bananas, an excellent and tasty source of potassium, and available inexpensively all year.

bellydance Class, which I am so glad I've returned to! Love, love, love it.

My Doggie, Diana, who is a delightful old lady of a dog. She's at least 16 years old, and still totally adorable.

Enthusiasm, which I am finding again as I add things to this list :)

Friends and family

Games! Role-playing, story games, card and board games, puzzle games, pen-and-paper games, electronic/video games, love it all

Hair, especially long hair, mine and others'

being Italian on my mother's side

having a Job is do well that gives me a good living.

Keyboard shortcuts - save me so much time!

Living with my nephew!

Message systems that let me stay in touch with loved ones far away

Nia! Dance, Martial arts and healing arts inspired movement experience - love this so much!

Oranges, especially navel oranges, also full of potassium, totally delicious, and make things smell good

Dr. Pepper

Questions that lead to discussion and research and even more questions.

Reading

Swimming

Touch typing - I can type much faster than I can write longhand.

USA Today's online crossword puzzle

Voices. One of the joys of my job is hearing so many different voices on the phone. This is likely why Walt Whitman's poem Vocalism is one of my favorites.

Writing! and Walkies :)

my 3XL men's swim trunks - so much more comfortable than most women's bathing suit bottoms

You reading this :)

Zippers - wildly convenient closure, and relatively easy to install

Aaahhh... much better :)